MAY has been a strange month for me. The weirdness began on May 4, when I received the second dose of the vaccine. It walloped my body, affecting my energy and emotions for two weeks. Added to which I had to deal with a variety of issues – sickness within the family, the death of a friend, the collective grief over a spate of Covid deaths, not to mention all the concerns that come with having young children and running a household without outside help – a compendium of ills that conspired to bring my vibration down.
I’m not much into astrology, but when I started feeling low again on May 24, I actually searched the internet for a coherent and sober reading of the stars and discovered that aside from the extra edginess from the super blood moon, there would be extra drag courtesy of three planets in retrograde: Saturn, Pluto (which confused me, as I thought Pluto was no longer a planet, but I guess that doesn’t matter to astrologers) and Mercury. The intuitive astrologer suggested using these retrograde energies to go inward, to journal the feelings out, and to use in combination with the full moon energy to clear out old thoughts, beliefs and situations that no longer resonated, and to call in higher vibrational thoughts and beliefs and situations. One friend said, “This is the time to dream, and dream big!”
So at midnight on the night of the super blood moon, my husband and I wrote our lists down by the light of a red candle: a list of what we wanted to release, what we wanted to call in, and our manifestation list of big dreams. We burnt each list with a prayer to the Universe, and, whether real or imagined, we felt a release somehow.
Today, I woke up determined to take charge of my vibration. I did my morning meditation, and was beautifully reminded that I am not my fears, insecurities and sadness (although we do need to allow ourselves to feel our feelings and let them go through us).
One of my healing clients sent me a poster with the message, “There are some people who have the sun inside them. It’s hard to explain. Their presence just brightens your world. It’s not about beautiful smiles. They have an internal being that sheds light and feels like sun on your cool face. It’s a calm energy. And inner peace. Confidence and self. But most importantly, it’s not wanting anything back. It is sun.”
She sent the poster with the caption, “It’s you!”
In that moment, I felt so affirmed. I felt seen. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt: I am Soul, and I have gifts to bring into this world.
I realized that just by being ourselves, we are the Sun to someone. Choosing to clear our vibration, to unfold as our true authentic selves, is one of our most important and sacred tasks in this lifetime. For when we allow our Soul fire to burn, we bring our unique light into this world, and inspire others to be the beautiful bright lights that they truly are.
Wherever you are on your soul journey, I hope this reminds you that, as The Brand New Heavies once sang, “You are the Universe! And there ain’t nothing you can’t do! If you conceive it, you can achieve it.” You are the hero of your own life story. Don’t doubt that everything you love, that you’re curious or passionate about, what brings you joy—all these things are relevant, and are singularly expressed through you!
I’m still feeling strange, not completely a hundred percent yet. But that’s okay, because I know this is just temporary. It is just the weird planets, playing with our energies and making our lives a touch more interesting. We are simply having a moment, a nanosecond hiccup in the vastness of eternity. It does not define us, not by a long shot.